Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

It is incredibly difficult to experience the loss of a loved one, but that burden can feel even heavier when trying to care for your young people in that season. What do you say to them? How do you explain death? As our children’s primary caregivers, this is an opportunity to model what it looks like to grieve, mourn, and accept death as a normal part of life. This begins before our loved one has passed with the opportunity to share what the dying process will look like, and what life might be like after they pass. Throughout the entire process, from the moments that our loved one goes on hospice to years and years beyond, it is important that we honor our children’s emotions, offer a space for grief and sorrow, and make sure they know that they have a choice in how they show up in that space.

Every child will grieve in their own unique manner. It is important that we do not tell them how they should feel in the spaces surrounding death, rather that we help them feel safe in their emotions, wherever those emotions may be. Children often grieve in intervals, with periods of intense mourning followed by a need to ‘take a break’ from the grieving. Make sure to explain to them that this is normal, and that it is ok to feel angry, sad, thankful, or any of the other emotions that will inevitably come about in this time. Let them make their own choices on how they feel, as well as if they want to approach the casket, which keepsakes they may want to take with them, or any other decisions surrounding this issue.

When faced with the loss of our loved ones, we often wonder what the best way to honor their memory might be. Sometimes, this might involve engaging in their chosen hobbies , eating their favorite food, or maybe taking a trip to their favorite vacation spot. Whatever you do, the important thing is that you share the stories that made your loved one so beloved. It is important in the grieving process to be honest about who they were and how your relationship was. Finding a way to accurately represent your relationship is incredibly important, and one of the most dignifying things you can do.

Tranquility also offers an annual Memorial Service for everyone we cared for. You, your family, and your friends are all invited to attend and have an opportunity to reflect on the lives of the people we loved most. There will be readings, reflections, and music that will help us focus our hearts on our loved ones, as well as a dessert reception.

Other Ways to Honor Loved Ones

• Donate to a charity in their name
• Celebrate their birthday with friends and family
• Tell stories frequently about their lives
• Make a quilt of their clothes
• Make a scrapbook of your lives
• Frame something they have written

In the process of grieving, holidays and special occasions can be especially painful. On these days, we often are acutely aware that our loved one is not by our side, and we are forced to acknowledge their absence in the midst of extended family that we do not normally see. These are not just any other day, and should not be treated as such. To care for yourself in these times, prepare yourself by recognizing that these special days may be triggering. Have a plan for what the day will look like, and include a special way to remember your loved one. Whatever you do, recognize that this year, your experience of the holidays will be different, but that you can get through it with the support of those who love you.